Verda La Rue
Procrastinators and Planners - A Balancing Act
Updated: Feb 18, 2019
She is up at five A.M., has completed an asana yoga routine, re-scheduled all her meetings including vacation time over the next three months, jogged two miles, showered, and answered twenty emails before eight o’clock in the morning.
He sleeps until ten o’clock, and wakes up slowly while drooping his upper lip over the rim of his coffee cup. Next he squints to try to remember which brushfire was blazing the most out of control, and then logs in to catch up on his favorite web blog since there seems to be nothing big that needs to happen real soon.
“Don’t worry honey, I’ve planned every detail of our big trip,” she says.
“Well now, aren’t you the one?” he quips.
”Yes, I am the one and whatever would you do without me?” she asks.
”I’d sit here naked, cold and hungry in the dark until you came back,” he said in a serious tone.”
If you are an adept planner, chances are you are in a relationship with an accomplished procrastinator. Yes, it’s true. We are naturally attracted to individuals who are different from us because this is the secret spice that keeps the relationship exciting. We are naturally attracted to individuals who have strengths which we are missing. It is often an unconscious quest for that delicate relationship balance. Not only do opposites simply attract each other, they form a pattern of balancing out the strengths and weaknesses of each other. If one partner ever made a sudden change from being a planner to a procrastinator, or vice versa, the other partner would unconsciously shift their behavior over to the flip side to keep the balance.
Over time, relationships start to feel like an overly comfortable and slightly worn pair of shoes. This is when couples have the stark realization that their beloved is never going to magically morph into whoever they think they should have become by now. This realization can fill relationship partners with dissatisfaction and resentment.
If persistent squabbles amount to more than the zing that attracted you to each other in the first place, here are some helpful suggestions for smoothing out some of those annoying relationship kinks.
Make an appointment with a reputable couple’s counselor to help sort things out. After the first session, you will both discover that what you’re dealing with is just typical relationship stuff, and you both actively choose it for a very good reason. Just like a sea-saw has one person at each end, or the ride is no fun, you will begin to see that this is maybe how relationships work. Now, with this important inner knowledge about relationship dynamics, you can skip scheduling that second appointment.
Or going to www.NextAvailable.com is always a workable solution since it has the unique ability of pleasing both the artful planner and skilled procrastinator at the same time. One of you will gratefully rely on the delivery of NextAvailable's last-minute services, while the other is able to plan every business detail ahead for up to thirty days in advance. This is the one club you can both be 100% committed to, despite your differences.
Maybe you'll take a jaunt over to www.eHarmony.com and take a personality test. The results may give you more insight into your own key personality traits, as well as those of your perfect match. Don't be surprised if you discover that your perfect match and you have been glaring at each other every morning over breakfast for the past fifteen or twenty years.
Bone up on some Structured Procrastination by Philosopher John Perry at www-csli.stanford.edu/~john/procrastination.html. This message is one of hope for Procrastinators everywhere. It actually walks you through the process of "planned" procrastination. If ever a middle-ground was reached, this would be the one.
It's no mystery that each partner definitely knows which position they hold in the relationship dynamic, and which approach their mate takes. Like skilled acrobatic tumblers, each partner knows every step in the routine, and if one is missed, or changed on short notice, the balancing act may falter. The truth is they both secretly prefer it this way, and oh, what a grand performance it is!